What did we do last night that was yellow?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
