My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
