You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
