I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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