She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
