I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
