am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
