dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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