I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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