I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
