totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
