Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
