i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my liver is dry heaving
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My feet surprised me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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