I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
