A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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