So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
