Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
