you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
