Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
