so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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