did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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