Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
3 2 1 whiskey
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
