I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
