Umm I'm too high to move.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
