I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
