Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
