So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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