You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
