One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
