my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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