she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
