So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
