You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You ruined the universe
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
