I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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