My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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