Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
