hotel room ftw
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
