i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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