last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
