I want to walk on stilts...naked
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
