mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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