Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
