Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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