you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
