I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
