i barfeds in our rink
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
