just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Farmville is her only friend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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