It's Friday. Sex?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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