Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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