I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
