My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need moral support for this bender
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
